28 Comments

Nice Katie! Made me think of someone I heard on a travel podcast saying they like to avoid the “typical tourist trap” yada yada, and they do it by going on TripAdvisor and reverse-sorting restaurants so the worst reviewed places are at the top. The idea being that if most people hate it, it’s a place to go because you’re avoiding consensus/group think 🧐

Expand full comment

i have to admit that both Miller’s and Sandy’s are highly rated institutions, but! they are certainly not making it on tripadvisor either... that niche of beloved-yet-obscure

Expand full comment

There’s so much to comment on in this excellent post, Katie, that I almost--I say almost--reached for a pen and pad in order to take notes as I read so that I could properly compose a comment that nailed all of the salient points that popped into my noggin as I read. But then I remembered that I am a proud Stumpie and that kind of behavior would be positively un-Stumpie-like. So I will just say this: the fact that you correctly identified that fish carcass as a marlin (not a swordfish, & not a sailfish for Pete’s sake) I think raises my esteem for you just a notch or two higher. Bravo.

Expand full comment

i appreciate you respecting the Stumpie Code - you're a good soldier - but never let me discourage a Stumpie from following your opinionated passions. To do my part I will ensure my marine life knowledge stays up to date, lest I ever lead my Stumpies astray on valuable content

Expand full comment

I had not realized until reading point #1 (No Windows) that all the great bars of my lifetime shared his trait. Somehow my lizard brain had led me to many windowless joints all these years without consciously selecting this trait in a watering hold. That veil of anonymity provides a way to let down your guard and possibly let strangers into your world.

Great work!

Expand full comment

there’s a safety in a bar with no windows that absolutely facilitates lowered inhibitions... you’re family in that bar for a passing moment in time 🫡

Expand full comment

10/10 support this. My addition to these criteria is a specific smell that you can smell on your clothes for a few days afterward: George's Buffet (not actually a buffet) - cheeseburgers, Welch Ave Station - Stale Pizza Pit pizza delivered from upstairs by staff who look like they despise you for making them walk downstairs.

Expand full comment

you know i really focused on sights, sounds, tastes, and touch, so thank you for doing the lord’s work here of including smell, which is a woeful oversight on my part

all senses deserve to be delighted

Expand full comment

No jukebox?

Expand full comment

second place to total silence, and possibly the only truly acceptable form of music in a bar

Expand full comment

How about if you can lobby the bartender to skip songs?

Expand full comment

absolutely improves the situation but i don’t know how they’ll feel about me lobbying for baba o’riley on repeat for 4 hours

Expand full comment

I'm military and seen some proper awful, dirty, dingy bars in my time and they've been some of the absolute best!!

Expand full comment

the camaraderie of places without any pretense is unmatched 🤌 i’d be curious to hear your #1 spot of all time?

Expand full comment

Oh god. Ummmmmm. There was a bar in South Africa (Cape Town) that was really class. You just knew dirty dealings were going on in the corners. One in Namibia (Walvis Bay) was really good as well.

Before you get alongside a foreign port you get briefed on safety etc, What bars to avoid. That naturally gets thrown out the window when a ships company that hasn't seen land in 7 weeks gets ashore. It can be carnage.

Expand full comment

that briefing of where not to go must be like telling kids to absolutely NOT look inside the cookie jar

Expand full comment

It really is. As soon as it's over you're googling the best pubs and bars and then sorting with the 1 star reviews at the top. The pub owners like it though as they make a TON of money when we turn up. At one stop in Malta we actually drank 3 pubs dry.

Expand full comment

in a place the size of Malta you might’ve drank the country dry if you went through three bars 🫨

Expand full comment

Haha I reckon we could have done if we had stayed there long enough. It's a beautiful place though and I did manage to do some sightseeing and eat some good food.

Expand full comment

One of my favorite joints just put in a window behind the bar that looks onto their new patio. I didn't quite have words for why I hated it, but you said it all perfectly.

Expand full comment

for legal purposes i do not condone vandalism, but i’m just saying that the first time that window gets broken they might rethink this unwise endeavor 👀

Expand full comment

think this is my favourite one by you so far...(not that I've read loads but still feel I can make that statement, arrogant as that may be)

Expand full comment

omg a high compliment 🫡 i can imagine in your line of work you may be a qualified expert in this regard

Expand full comment

Accurate, though I do feel like mayyyybe we shouldn’t have taken you to so many bars when you were a wee lass.

Expand full comment

consider that by not taking me to bars, you’d be chopping my muse off at the knees

Expand full comment

It’s a recurring sad point that The Cellar was destroyed before you arrived at TCU. It hit most all of these points but probably a little darker, sketchier and more suspicious than these two joints you call out. But all the fundamentals were the same (outside of food, no good options). Also had the added plus of a good shuffleboard table and two walls that had extremely well done huge murals of rock legends via black Sharpie only.

Expand full comment

every time you mention this i feel a deep sense of tragedy in me for missing this era of TCU... near campus is notably void of respectable dives

Expand full comment