Coffee is not a "need" at this point in my life it is only second to air as necessary to live. After a family event where there was no coffee maker in the AirBnB and someone got two cups of gas station coffee for roughly six people I had the following diatribe. "When I wake up in the morning I get up with a mixed bag of aches, worries and regrets. The only lubricant that gets the machine going is the promise of coffee. Do not let this happen to me again."
you and i have been talking about the turkey trot for a month and i just learned that we have been talking past each other bc i thought this was a game for children not a 3 mile run. also i got up at 8am today and the worst part is by far how much day there has already been and it’s only 2pm
Your HOA president reminds me of a funny t-shirt I saw that said: “I don’t run, so if you see me running you should run too, because there is probably something chasing me.”
“Hot chocolate vs. coffee?” Is kind of a vague question, but I assume you mean which one would win in a fight. To which I would answer: Neither, silly. They’re both inanimate and incapable of fighting.
1. For a PR, I think something mountain lion-sized would be sufficient
2. I'm just so damn comfy
3. Coffee at the moment
4. Waking up early
5. IDK I'm not up on my bourbons
I trotted the Des Moines Turkey Trot with some of my in-laws. It was fueled by fireball, we loudly chanted "Turkey Trot" for a large chunk of the race and it was fantastic.
I love this!!!! I was cracking up!!! My favorite line: “Like a Victorian lady with a delicate constitution, I don’t bounce back from distasteful situations easily.” (We could be twins. I hate getting up early!) I hope you had access to a fainting couch haha
i mean, i'd run if a big cow was chasing me. i don't know. or a big dog. or a big man. pretty much would run from anything if it was menacing enough.
i DO like waking up early in the morning, once i have actually passed the literal waking up stage. i have to get up at 6am for work most days and there's something so nice about early starts where everyone is still sleeping and the world is a little more peaceful. mornings are great because that first cup of tea/coffee is the best, breakfast is the best, having a whole day ahead of me which i haven't squandered yet with stupid TV or too much instagram is the best, etc etc
i think our fundamental disconnect here is that i am often of the variety where i am up *until* 6am... nothing like the peace of being awake when everyone is asleep, but trying to enjoy that after waking up myself is like asking a corpse to do a tap dance
Here’s a pro tip for those times when something is chasing you: the chances of getting trampled to death by a cow are low but never zero. If the thing chasing you purrs, it is a member of the cat family and some may find comfort in knowing that the largest cat that purrs is a mountain lion (once called the cougar, an archaic term no longer used in the mountain lion context). If it a member of the cat family and does not purr, you are probably in deep weed, survival-wise.
i... don’t ? think i feel particularly comforted knowing the largest cat that purrs is a mountain lion... that just increases the odds im gonna die going “oh what a pretty boy!”
Well, the odds of dying from a mountain lion attack are low, but never zero. What is more worrisome is a large cat chasing you that is not purring. If it’s a cheetah, then it’s all over for Sally. It might also be a leopard, which has an interesting habit of hanging its prey by the neck in the branches of an acacia tree. If it doesn’t purr but trods heavily, then it’s a lion or a tiger, depending on which continent you decided to risk your life. They typically break your neck or rip open your throat, so mostly, you’ll need to deal with a few moments of anguish or even terror before the lights go out.
If any of this concerns you, it’s probably best to move to Iowa, which is a pretty safe place. So is Rhode Island.
It’s good when there aren’t any trees to block the view, or branches where a leopard can hang his prey by the neck. Sometimes, on a clear day, you can even see early into next week.
I don’t think I even knew there are people from Nebraska. I never met or heard of one before. That’s a good thing, because several other states need to shut up and leave the rest of us alone for a while.
congratulations! you’ve earned a one way ticket to Bully World! here at Bully World, we’ll take terrible care of you because of your abysmal opinions! you can enjoy (or loathe) our attractions including: the What The Fuck Were You Thinking Coaster, which is just a corkscrew for 72 hours straight forcing you to confront your own bad tastes. your personally curated punishment for this opinion can be picked up as Guest Severances, where we’ll clockwork orange your eyes so that you can have so so much of that sweet awakeness time you love so much!
oh wow asking about my potato salad preferences is a little forward..... but, id have to say the core issue there is that mayonnaise is a slight on god!! give me a mustard or sour cream based potato salad and we’re in biznez babey
Not that you asked me, but where I live, potato salad is an non-negotiable part of every funeral and public hanging. We still haven’t come to a consensus about sweet pickles.
Even as an ingredient in funeral and public hanging potato salads, there is no consensus. It’s not a hill people are willing to die on.
I, however, do not think sweet pickles are appropriate in a public gathering. I don’t think we should try to mandate what kind of pickle people consume in the privacy of their bedrooms, but sweet pickles should have no place in the public square.
Solid turkey trot, set my new post-kids PR since I was chasing my son on his bike the entire time. My own “rabbit”.
Little sad no mention of the pickleball setup after.
Beer/alcohol and music is what I’d add to the next one. You should also consider doing it on NYE instead of Xmas morning so that I can participate. Food for thought
I love getting up in the morning (and you probably will too when you’re my age.... something about the fewer days ahead of you than behind you ....). But I need coffee immediately upon waking. I loved walking your turkey trot on Thanksgiving but didn’t realize so many wimped out and took the short route 🤔. As for bourbon, try Four Roses (small batch, of course) and Wattie Boone & Sons (family lore says we’re related to Daniel Boone (a distant relative of Wattie’s), but I haven’t been able to prove that (yet)-- but it’s a damn good sip regardless). Guess we have bourbon in the blood. 🥃😉
i am deeply skeptical of your proposition that i will age into the mornings given my tendencies, but time will tell! we greatly appreciated having decidedly non-wimpy family padding our numbers 🫡 and loving the bourbon recs... sounding especially good right about now as the clock turns to 5pm on a friday 🥃
Coffee is not a "need" at this point in my life it is only second to air as necessary to live. After a family event where there was no coffee maker in the AirBnB and someone got two cups of gas station coffee for roughly six people I had the following diatribe. "When I wake up in the morning I get up with a mixed bag of aches, worries and regrets. The only lubricant that gets the machine going is the promise of coffee. Do not let this happen to me again."
wow you’re as dramatically edgy to your family as i am to mine! i love that and will be stealing
you and i have been talking about the turkey trot for a month and i just learned that we have been talking past each other bc i thought this was a game for children not a 3 mile run. also i got up at 8am today and the worst part is by far how much day there has already been and it’s only 2pm
fascinating that you assumed i would be putting on an event for children intentionally
Your HOA president reminds me of a funny t-shirt I saw that said: “I don’t run, so if you see me running you should run too, because there is probably something chasing me.”
“Hot chocolate vs. coffee?” Is kind of a vague question, but I assume you mean which one would win in a fight. To which I would answer: Neither, silly. They’re both inanimate and incapable of fighting.
it was open to interpretation, and you interpreted it, thereby building community, well done!
Coffee + Chocolate = Bliss
now we’re cookin’... this is an inspired take
nebraska is not a real place. i know, i live here
is it offensive to a proper native to say i find nebraska very pretty
how does one end up in nebraska
1. For a PR, I think something mountain lion-sized would be sufficient
2. I'm just so damn comfy
3. Coffee at the moment
4. Waking up early
5. IDK I'm not up on my bourbons
I trotted the Des Moines Turkey Trot with some of my in-laws. It was fueled by fireball, we loudly chanted "Turkey Trot" for a large chunk of the race and it was fantastic.
1) apparently mountain lions can range from 64-220lbs as adults... does that imply that a 64lb child chasing you would lead to a PR?
2) correct, and you should be allowed to stay that way
3) the secret correct choice
4) we all wake up and face the same day there’s really nothing special about choosing to engage with it sooner than others
5) my recommendation is to start with crown royal for a cheap-but-not-painful winter sipper
big fan of the chanting, especially since i’m mentally hearing it with the same cadence as “Attica! Attica!”
If that child were ferocious enough, then absolutely!
And yes, spot on with the cadence!
I love this!!!! I was cracking up!!! My favorite line: “Like a Victorian lady with a delicate constitution, I don’t bounce back from distasteful situations easily.” (We could be twins. I hate getting up early!) I hope you had access to a fainting couch haha
facebook marketplace had better watch out the next time someone posts an Olympia-style fainting couch in my radius
i mean, i'd run if a big cow was chasing me. i don't know. or a big dog. or a big man. pretty much would run from anything if it was menacing enough.
i DO like waking up early in the morning, once i have actually passed the literal waking up stage. i have to get up at 6am for work most days and there's something so nice about early starts where everyone is still sleeping and the world is a little more peaceful. mornings are great because that first cup of tea/coffee is the best, breakfast is the best, having a whole day ahead of me which i haven't squandered yet with stupid TV or too much instagram is the best, etc etc
i think our fundamental disconnect here is that i am often of the variety where i am up *until* 6am... nothing like the peace of being awake when everyone is asleep, but trying to enjoy that after waking up myself is like asking a corpse to do a tap dance
Here’s a pro tip for those times when something is chasing you: the chances of getting trampled to death by a cow are low but never zero. If the thing chasing you purrs, it is a member of the cat family and some may find comfort in knowing that the largest cat that purrs is a mountain lion (once called the cougar, an archaic term no longer used in the mountain lion context). If it a member of the cat family and does not purr, you are probably in deep weed, survival-wise.
i... don’t ? think i feel particularly comforted knowing the largest cat that purrs is a mountain lion... that just increases the odds im gonna die going “oh what a pretty boy!”
Well, the odds of dying from a mountain lion attack are low, but never zero. What is more worrisome is a large cat chasing you that is not purring. If it’s a cheetah, then it’s all over for Sally. It might also be a leopard, which has an interesting habit of hanging its prey by the neck in the branches of an acacia tree. If it doesn’t purr but trods heavily, then it’s a lion or a tiger, depending on which continent you decided to risk your life. They typically break your neck or rip open your throat, so mostly, you’ll need to deal with a few moments of anguish or even terror before the lights go out.
If any of this concerns you, it’s probably best to move to Iowa, which is a pretty safe place. So is Rhode Island.
my familial roots are in nebraska and i knew there was a reason i always felt a yearning for the plains... my peoples craves safety
It’s good when there aren’t any trees to block the view, or branches where a leopard can hang his prey by the neck. Sometimes, on a clear day, you can even see early into next week.
I don’t think I even knew there are people from Nebraska. I never met or heard of one before. That’s a good thing, because several other states need to shut up and leave the rest of us alone for a while.
I don’t hate waking up early in the morning.
Heh.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
congratulations! you’ve earned a one way ticket to Bully World! here at Bully World, we’ll take terrible care of you because of your abysmal opinions! you can enjoy (or loathe) our attractions including: the What The Fuck Were You Thinking Coaster, which is just a corkscrew for 72 hours straight forcing you to confront your own bad tastes. your personally curated punishment for this opinion can be picked up as Guest Severances, where we’ll clockwork orange your eyes so that you can have so so much of that sweet awakeness time you love so much!
Nice try, but I didn’t even wince! But it did kinda remind me of the greatest article ever published by The Onion: https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-surprised-to-find-selves-in-hell-1819566162
So my reason? I like getting up before someone else breathes the air. It’s as simple as that.
i have terrible news for you about the concepts of globes, time zones, and atmosphere
Oh gawd, another flat earther.
Were the Apollo moon landings filmed in a Hollywood back lot?
who’s to say it wasn’t a front lot!
1. I don't know the answer to this question because I'm yet to come across anything that large. At a guess - a kaiju?
2. Waking up in the morning generally means I'm going to work. On weekends I wake up in the afternoon as God intended
3. Coffee but I'm not opposed to putting chocolate IN the coffee, I am no prude
4. I would like permission to sit at the computer like a slouchy asshole without people telling me "YoUrE gOnNa gEt a BaD bAcK"
5. More of a Scotch guy 🤷
1) depending on the day even a kaiju might not cut it
2) writing this after waking up at noon, i resonate with you
3) mixing church and state with delicious consequences!
4) ooo la la mr. scotch over here enjoys feeling the Burn 🔥
3. mocha
this is kind of personal, but... how do you feel about potato salad? sorry if you've posted about it already
oh wow asking about my potato salad preferences is a little forward..... but, id have to say the core issue there is that mayonnaise is a slight on god!! give me a mustard or sour cream based potato salad and we’re in biznez babey
mayonnaise is eggs though.. eggs are good
just saying if a bucket of potato salad fell off the back of a Sysco truck I wouldn't say no
eggs are evil hope that clears things up <3
Not that you asked me, but where I live, potato salad is an non-negotiable part of every funeral and public hanging. We still haven’t come to a consensus about sweet pickles.
sweet pickles are ok but i can't see myself eating an entire jar of them. unless they're hot 🔥 🥒
sweet pickles are like “what if we took pickles and made them Bad,” but i respect their potential role in funeral rites
Even as an ingredient in funeral and public hanging potato salads, there is no consensus. It’s not a hill people are willing to die on.
I, however, do not think sweet pickles are appropriate in a public gathering. I don’t think we should try to mandate what kind of pickle people consume in the privacy of their bedrooms, but sweet pickles should have no place in the public square.
Solid turkey trot, set my new post-kids PR since I was chasing my son on his bike the entire time. My own “rabbit”.
Little sad no mention of the pickleball setup after.
Beer/alcohol and music is what I’d add to the next one. You should also consider doing it on NYE instead of Xmas morning so that I can participate. Food for thought
both pickle ball & the koozies got Cut For Time bc real estate on The Stump ain’t cheap!
music was my first instinct to add as well, and beer is just gravy 🤌
I love getting up in the morning (and you probably will too when you’re my age.... something about the fewer days ahead of you than behind you ....). But I need coffee immediately upon waking. I loved walking your turkey trot on Thanksgiving but didn’t realize so many wimped out and took the short route 🤔. As for bourbon, try Four Roses (small batch, of course) and Wattie Boone & Sons (family lore says we’re related to Daniel Boone (a distant relative of Wattie’s), but I haven’t been able to prove that (yet)-- but it’s a damn good sip regardless). Guess we have bourbon in the blood. 🥃😉
i am deeply skeptical of your proposition that i will age into the mornings given my tendencies, but time will tell! we greatly appreciated having decidedly non-wimpy family padding our numbers 🫡 and loving the bourbon recs... sounding especially good right about now as the clock turns to 5pm on a friday 🥃
That skirt really clashes with your hair color and I’m really ashamed that I noticed that 😂😂.
BTW your hair colour is amazing.
it’s called *matching* thank you very much !
Oh please don’t get me wrong. I really like it!!
Were you ever my mom, because you just sounded like my mom.
Hmmm maybe. Does this sound familiar? “Ooo is that a muffin dear. Remember, a second on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.”
Yup. You’re my mom, for sure. Now I have two subscribers again, you and my parole officer.
😂😂😂😂